A Little Priest -Sweeney Todd

I had been meaning to post some more Sweeney Todd for some time now, but things have been rather hectic lately. Nothing says horror-musical (just in time for Halloween) like a song about murdering people and baking them into pies. Sondheim is a genius. Enough said. The version I have is unfortunately the abbreviated 2007 movie one with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, the reason being that the full version is longer than 5 minutes. (Thanks again, Smule). See the video below for the original version with the brilliant Angela Lansbury and Len Cariou. So many puns! I invite you all to join me as Sweeney Todd in this dastardly duet. I sang Mrs. Lovett, since it's actually in my vocal register.

Here are the lyrics:

LOVETT: Seems a downright shame

SWEENEY: Shame?

LOVETT: Seems an awful waste
Such a nice, plump frame

Wot's his name has
Had
Has
Nor it can't be traced

Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift as a gift
If you get my drift, no?

Seems an awful waste
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is? When you get it
If you get it

SWEENEY: Hah!
LOVETT: Good, you got it

Take for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better using only pussycats and toast
And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste

SWEENEY: Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion

LOVETT: Well, it does seem a waste

SWEENEY: Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always, 

Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived
Without you all these years, I'll never know
How delectable, also undetectable

LOVETT: Think about it

Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be comin' for a shave
Won't they?
Think of all them pies

SWEENEY:How choice
How rare

For what's the sound of the world out there?

LOVETT: What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?

SWEENEY: Those crunching noises pervading the air

LOVETT: Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd
Yes, all around

SWEENEY: It's man devouring man, my dear

BOTH: And then who are we to deny it in here?

SWEENEY (SPOKEN): These are desperate times
Mrs. Lovett and desperate measures are called for

LOVETT (SPOKEN): Here we are, now, hot out of the oven

SWEENEY (SPOKEN): What is that?

LOVETT: It's priest, have a little priest

SWEENEY: Is it really good? 

LOVETT: Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh

SWEENEY: Awful lot of fat 

LOVETT: only where it sat

SWEENEY: Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

LOVETT: No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest

INSTRUMENTAL

LOVETT: Lawyer's rather nice

SWEENEY: If it's for a price

LOVETT: Order something else, though to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice

SWEENEY: Anything that's lean?

LOVETT: Well then, if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal Marine
Anyway, it's clean

Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been

SWEENEY: Is that squire on the fire?

LOVETT: Mercy, no sir, look closer
You'll notice it's grocer

SWEENEY: Looks thicker, more like vicar

LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer, it's green

SWEENEY: The history of the world, my love

LOVETT: Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors

SWEENEY: Is those below serving those up above

LOVETT: Everybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors

SWEENEY: How gratifying for once to know

BOTH: That those above will serve those down below

SWEENY:What is that? 

LOVETT: It's fop

Finest in the shop
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top

And I've just begun
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily
Not one, 

SWEENEY: put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it's going to run

LOVETT: Try the friar
Fried, it's drier

SWEENEY: No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy

LOVETT: Then actor, that's compacter

SWEENEY: Yes, and always arrives overdone
I'll come again
When you have judge on the menu!

INSTRUMENTAL

SWEENEY: Have charity towards the world, my pet

LOVETT: Yes, yes, I know, my love

SWEENEY: We'll take the customers that we can get

LOVETT: High-born and low, my love

SWEENEY: We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone

BOTH: Meaning anyone
And to anyone at all

Here are the originals! So punny: